


ripped at every edge

by Solanaceae



Series: Colors [1]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solanaceae/pseuds/Solanaceae
Summary: Nico has a hard time letting an argument go; Maki has always been just as stubborn. Rin smiles a little too much, but maybe that’s what this world needs.





	ripped at every edge

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Cronomon for betaing this <3

 

_ Soulmates tear you apart to the bones of what you are, show you the color of your blood.  Who would want to spend a lifetime with a hurricane like that? Better to go through the fire once, like the world wreathed in radiation, and have something new born of it.  _

_ But don’t keep those poisonous clouds around. _

***

They said it was better, once. Before the wars. That this whole system had  _ worked _ , that people met and saw the colors and fell in love and stayed in love.

It sure as hell didn’t seem to be working  _ now, _ as far as Maki could see. Maybe it had broken along with the whole world. Maybe the nuclear fallout had screwed up everyone’s genes, made their DNA warped and fragile so that the whole soulmate thing no longer functioned the way it was meant to.

She sloshed through the rain and mud, making her way toward a flickering neon sign that promised warmth and dryness - or, at the very least, the latter. The hideouts on the edges of the wrecked suburbs sprang up and disappeared, transient as the scavengers that frequented them. They provided enough cover to hide from the upper city patrols. They also provided a wide array of controlled substances, from the badlands and the upper city alike.

(She’d gone with Nico to one of these, a few weeks after seeing red bloom across the sunset, and Nico hadn’t understood the strange appeal of them. Had complained about the dim lights and the grime and the way the bartender kept  _ looking _ at Maki.

Nico never  _ understood _ .)

Maki loved coming out here, to the very edges of what remained of civilization. It made her feel alone, and sometimes that was what she needed.

She entered the bar, shaking off the rain from her jacket. The bartender made lazy eye contact, then looked away as she approached, pulling a stool up. The worn wood was too smooth to leave splinters in her hands, but she still moved it gingerly - you never knew who might have been sitting in it before you.

“The usual?” the bartender grunted. She nodded, planting her elbows on the stained surface of the bar and irritably blowing rain-soaked hair out of her face. 

A glass with a single ice cube and a murky brown liquid was pushed across the wood. She picked it up, swirled it, but didn’t take a sip yet. 

***

The first time she saw red, it was like the whole world had caught on fire, warmth blooming from Nico’s eyes. 

Their eyes had met across a crowded street, down in the marketplace district where sellers hawked their wares from open air stalls. Maki had been standing next to a fruit vendor, one with a few non-mutated strains mixed in with the strangely shaped others, and the apples next to her had blossomed into glossy reds in the time it took her to draw in a breath of surprise. 

Nico had bought her one, spending money she would later realize the dark-haired girl could barely spare. Maki had been captivated by the sheen, the way the color caught the light. (Later, she would stare into Nico’s eyes, barely an inch from her own, and think how deep they were, how easy it would be to fall into that sea of red.

And fall she did.)

***

“You’re all alone, huh? Me too.”

Maki stiffened as an unfamiliar girl plopped down on the stool beside her. At this point, two drinks in, everything had just about started to soften, the edges of her irritability smoothing down - but to have a complete stranger approach her like this brought reality crashing back down. 

“Who are you?” she snapped.

“Rin.” The girl grinned. “I’ve seen you around here a bit.”

Maki made a noncommittal noise and knocked back the rest of her drink. She dug in her pocket and tossed a handful of coins down onto the counter, pushing her stool away from the bar.

“You’re leaving already?” Rin asked. “You just got here.”

_ You’ve been watching me? _ Maki shot her a cool glance. “I’ve spent all I want to on this place.”

“Let me buy you something!” And before Maki could protest, Rin had gestured the bartender over. 

Defeated, Maki sank back into her seat. Well. She might as well take the free drinks, if nothing else. 

***

Somehow, Rin drew her into conversation. Maki tried her best to hold off - giving only noncommittal noises in reply, or curt nods - but something about Rin’s effusive enthusiasm was contagious.

“...and then I found out that I had been talking to a lamp post the entire time!”

Maki snorted a laugh, surprising herself. “You’re kidding.”

“I’d never.” Rin leaned forward, green eyes earnest. “And I’m glad that made you laugh, Maki. It’d be a shame if you went an entire night without smiling even once.”

Maki looked away, suddenly self-conscious. “I - I smile enough.”

“No such thing as enough.” As if to punctuate this, Rin grinned. “Anyways--”

The rest of the evening was entirely Rin’s smile and the pleasant fuzziness of having just enough to drink. Maki tried to ignore the warm glow growing in her chest, flaring higher every time Rin laughed.

Rin was right. It had been a long time since she had smiled and meant it.

“I’ll be here tomorrow morning,” Rin told her when Maki finally stood to leave for good. “If you want to hang out or something.”

Maki nodded, heart strangely light. “I’ll come find you.”

***

She spent the night sleepless, wandering the edges of town until the pale light of dawn inched across the sky. Out here, the ruins were silent save for the occasional cricket chirp or the rustle of leaves in the intermittent wind. In the inner city, people still lived in the domed sanctuaries, digital skies and purified air. Maki thought she would go mad in that sort of place. Out here, with the broken-down buildings and warped sidewalks, she found something almost like peace. Nature was busy reclaiming this world, with vines tangling through broken brick and wildflowers winding up through cracks in the asphalt.

Her message pod buzzed with Nico’s name and three words.  _ Come home. Now. _

She contemplated it for a moment or two, then shut it off and shoved it back in her pocket.

***

_ I guess this is it, huh? The whole soulmates thing really  _ is  _ true. _

_ Guess so. What happens now? _

_ This is the part where you get captivated by my charming smile and demeanor, and we live happily ever after. _

_ Ha, of course. _

***

Eventually, she had to go home.  _ Home _ meant Nico’s place, a flat in one of the apartment buildings someone had poured a lot of money into keeping up (and charged a rent that reflected that - Maki’s savings helped out a whole lot with that, not that Nico ever seemed  _ grateful _ or anything). 

The metal stairs creaked under her feet as she climbed them, one hand trailing up the rusted railing. Maki wrinkled her nose at the stained walls, wondering if there were more splotchy yellow marks than there had been when she left.

She paused in front of the door to their home. Every time - every  _ single _ time, Maki let her hopes rise that maybe this time, Nico would be reasonable. 

_ But maybe she’ll just smile and welcome you home like before. _

She took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

“Where have you been?” Nico was on her in an instant, all flashing red eyes and anger. “I messaged you, and I  _ waited _ and  _ waited _ and you never replied--” 

“Jesus, Nico, can’t you let me take off my shoes before you start yelling?”

Her girlfriend crossed her arms, and Maki couldn’t help but think that she looked so damned  _ childish _ like that. “I think I deserve an explanation.”

“I went for a walk.”

“For the entire night?”

Maki met her eyes. “It was a long walk.”

“Maki, I expect the truth from you--”

“I’m  _ telling _ you the truth!” Maki took a step forward, closing the space between them, and suddenly she could feel the heat from Nico’s breath.

Nico’s eyes narrowed.  “You made me worry.” There was an accusative note in her voice, and Maki bristled again.

“I’m not accountable to you for anything,” she snapped. “Get off my back about this, will you?” She kicked her shoes off irritably and stalked into the house. Nico followed.

“We’re dating, I’d think you would care about how I feel.”

The words hit hard, made Maki stop dead in her tracks. Her tongue darted out over her lip, mouth suddenly dry. “Is that what you think? That I don’t care?”

_ I care more than anything. _

As if sensing she had crossed a line, Nico reached out, touched Maki’s shoulder. “I was worried.” If the words were still a little sharp, at least the accusation had drained out of them. 

Maki turned to face her. Nico’s cheeks were flushed, but the anger was fading from her eyes.  _ Just apologize, _ a small voice prompted from the back of her mind.

_ No. She’d never let that go. _

Instead, she tangled her fingers in Nico’s hair, pulling her forward. Nico inhaled sharply before Maki’s lips cut her off. Nico’s mouth was hot against hers, their kiss all clashing teeth and bruised lips. And Nico was responding, deepening the kiss like she was drowning. 

The problem, Maki reflected as Nico pushed her down to the bed, hands fumbling at the buttons on her shirt, was that they were  _ too  _ similar. Proud and argumentative and oh, she hated thinking about her own flaws, but it was hard to ignore them when she saw them mirrored in Nico.

She fastened her mouth on Nico’s neck, teeth scraping against skin maybe a little too hard, and was rewarded with a sharp gasp. 

This was how all their arguments ended, inevitably. 

She could pretend it was enough, that frantically going through the motions of making love could patch up the broken parts of their relationship. She  _ was _ pretending, had gotten damn good at it. 

(She tried not to think about how much this felt like dancing on the edge of a cliff, inches from crashing and burning.)

***

“I haven’t found my soulmate yet,” Rin mused the next morning. Maki had bought them some grapes from a vendor and they were sitting on a low stone wall at the edge of the marketplace - the same one she had met Nico in. Not that there were many markets to choose from, out here. 

“You haven’t?”

Rin shrugged. “She’s out there somewhere.”

Maki tilted her head to one side. “What makes you so sure?”

“I can  _ feel _ it.” Rin grinned, popping a grape into her mouth. “What about you? You found them, didn’t you?”

Maki nodded curtly. Thinking about Nico, about their latest argument (over nothing, really) made her irritable, and the morning was too young to be in a bad mood. Especially when Rin was around.

But Rin leaned forward, eyes curious. “What’re they like?”

“She’s so  _ annoying _ ,” Maki burst out. “Never shuts  _ up _ , can’t let an argument go--”

“Don’t you love her?”

Maki stiffened. “We’re  _ dating, _ of course I do.”

Rin nodded.

“Anyways,” Maki added, feeling heat flooding her cheeks, “people who love each other can argue sometimes.”

“Of course.”

***

Instead of shouting at her, Nico spent that evening ignoring Maki. At first, it was almost pleasant - no bickering, no heated glares - but after awhile, Maki started wanting to apologize. For what, she wasn’t sure.

“Hey,” she said as they were getting ready for bed. “Did I do something wrong?”

Nico glanced at her, then looked away.

“Nico.”

Nothing.

“Goddammit, Nico, talk to me.”

Nico climbed into bed and pointedly rolled over, her back to Maki.

Maki sighed, switched off the light. They lay inches from each other, sharing the same blanket (which, Maki knew, would end up mostly on Nico’s side of the bed before the night was through). She could feel the warmth of Nico’s body through the sheets. 

She wanted to reach over, but it suddenly felt like there was an impassable distance between them. 

“Nico?” she whispered after awhile. Her girlfriend’s deep, steady breathing didn’t change. Asleep, then.

“Nico, do you remember back when we loved each other?” The words felt heavy on her tongue, even though she knew she was speaking them to only the silence. “That was - that was nice, wasn’t it?”

Nico let out a small snore.

***

“What is a soulmate, anyways?” Rin asked the next week, arms folded behind her head. They were lying on their backs in an abandoned parking lot - not the most comfortable place, Maki was realizing, what with all the little stones and bits of broken glass. But Rin had said she liked hanging out here, so.  

She shifted position, trying to move the pebbles digging into her back. “Soulmates are the person you’re destined to be with.”

“Is that why you’re still dating her?”

Maki considered this. The wind waved through the grass pushing up between cracks in the asphalt, tickling Maki’s nose. She brushed it away, frowning. “You’re  _ supposed _ to date your soulmate. Marry them, even.”

“And do you want to marry her?”

Maki’s breath caught in her throat. The thought of living with Nico forever--

“I don’t want to talk about her right now,” she mumbled.

“Okay.” Rin rolled over onto her side to face Maki, light green eyes serious. “But soulmates - no one ever said they were permanent.”

Maki nodded.

“Still,” Rin added cheerily, “I bet  _ mine  _ will be permanent.”

Maki’s stomach twisted.

“I wonder what she’s like,” Rin sighed. “Probably a lot more reserved than me - maybe stubborn, too...”

_ Do we have to talk about that right now? _ She couldn’t put her finger on why it bothered her so much, but it  _ did _ .

A fly buzzed into Maki’s face. She yelped, throwing herself away from the bug - straight into Rin’s lap. For a moment, they both froze - then Maki felt a helpless laugh rising in her throat. She buried her face in Rin’s shoulder, giggling, and felt Rin’s body shake with laughter as well.

“Hey,” Rin said, once they had both caught their breath, “If you ever wanna stop by my place, I live in that big blue building by the bar. The fifth floor.”

“Yeah?” Maki knew she should get off of Rin’s lap, but surely there was nothing wrong with being close to a friend like this.

“It’s tons more comfortable than here.” Rin reached up, brushed some grass from Maki’s hair. 

_ Nico wouldn’t be happy. _ Maki pushed the thought down. They were just friends, there was nothing wrong with hanging out if they were  _ friends _ . “I’ll try and stop by sometime.”

***

It started out small, as their arguments did - which of them had forgotten to go get groceries for tonight’s dinner. Maki was  _ sure _ Nico had promised to go to the market, but of course Nico didn’t believe her.

“If you didn’t spend so much time wandering around the city, getting up to god knows what--”

“It’s none of your business where I go,” Maki snapped.

“I’m your girlfriend.”

“My girlfriend, not my mom. Back off, will you?”

“Well, I care about you.” She said it like her caring was a weapon she could use to beat Maki into submission. “Why don’t you respect me?”

“Nico, I’m so tired. We can’t keep doing this.”

“I still love you.” Nico’s brow was furrowed, her arms crossed and her body a tense line, curving in towards Maki as if drawn inexorably in. (Gravity had always been a problem for them.) “Isn’t that enough?”

_ Enough? _

Maki stepped back. “You’re in love with the me you made up.” She made the words intentionally harsh. “You’re in love with the idea that you can have a happy ending with your soulmate but that isn’t  _ enough _ , Nico, don’t you see?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nico’s eyes - that vibrant red that Maki had fallen so  _ hard _ for - narrowed. “Is there someone else? Are you cheating on me?”

"What - where would you -  _ no _ , Nico, I would never do that.” If Rin’s smile rose unbidden in her mind, she could pretend that it was easy to push it aside.

“Then what is it?”

“Nico - listen.” Maki crossed her arms.  _ Try to be reasonable, even if she isn’t.  _ “We argue about  _ every goddamn thing _ .”

“We don’t--” 

“Nico!”

“Fine!” Nico glared at her. “What’s your point? People who love each other can argue sometimes.”

“This is more than sometimes! I’m  _ tired _ , Nico. We spend every second of the day arguing or  _ fucking _ and I can’t - I can’t live like that anymore.”

Nico’s gaze hardened. “If you don’t love me anymore, then get out.”

“ _ Fine _ .” 

Nico froze. 

Maki opened her mouth, ready to take it back, but something stopped her. She  _ meant _ it, she realized. It was a threat Nico had made before, a sort of end-all-arguments final trick. It always made Maki crawl back, tail between her legs, ready to make up.

Not anymore.

“Fine,” she repeated, and was proud of her voice for not shaking. “I’ll get my things together, then.”

***

She went back to the bar, only half aware of where her feet were taking her. It was the one place Nico wasn’t likely to follow her to. Under the bar’s stained awning, she stared out at the ruined city, broken steel and glass reflecting the setting sun. 

_ If you don’t love me anymore, then get out. _

Maki flinched. At some point, long ago, she would have protested that of  _ course _ she loved Nico, that there was nothing that could ever make her stop. Soulmates were forever, after all. But now - now that all their love had run dry, leaving them all spark with no wood to burn--

_ What is a soulmate, anyways? _

“Soulmates are fake,” she muttered, crossing her arms. “Screw them.”

It still hurt to think of Nico and her eyes that had burned so bright - first with desire, then with anger. She could go inside and order a few drinks and try to forget about her, but that seemed awfully temporary, and she had little desire to become a raging alcoholic. 

There was another option, after all.

***

She was worried she wouldn’t know which door to knock on, but there was only one intact one - the rest led to apartments with caved-in floors and bare walls. Apartment 506 had a welcome mat in front of it. She carefully stepped over the cheerful greeting and knocked.

After a few seconds, footsteps approached from the other side. It opened a crack, revealing orange hair and sleepy green eyes that brightened when they recognized her.

“Maki!” Rin opened the door fully, a smile breaking across her face. “Come in!”

Maki followed her inside. The interior of the apartment was cozily decorated, with beanbags on the floor and tapestries on the walls. On the stove, a kettle was steaming away busily. Rin hurried over to it, pulling another cup down from the cabinet as she did so. 

“Want some? I’ve only got a bit of green tea left, I gotta go to the market soon.”

“Sure.” Maki sat gingerly down on one of the beanbags. This place felt like a home, rather than just a place where someone lived. Everything was just so -  _ Rin. _

Rin brought her a cup of tea. Maki wrapped her hands around it. She hadn’t realized how cold she was until just now, and the hot cup made her skin tingle with warmth. 

Rin plopped down on another beanbag. “How you doing?” 

Maki opened her mouth, ready to say  _ fine, how are you? _ , but felt the words catch. “I - Nico kicked me out.”

“Oh.” Rin’s eyes widened. “Are you okay?”

And it had been so  _ long _ since someone had asked her that and actually cared about her response that Maki felt a sudden prickling in her eyes. She swiped at them with the back of her hand. She was not going to cry in front of Rin.

“I’m fine.”

Rin set aside her cup and moved closer to kneel by Maki, taking Maki’s hands in hers. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Do you need somewhere to sleep? I have a couch.”

“That would be great.” Maki leaned forward, resting her head on Rin’s shoulder. Something made her add, “ _ You’re _ great.”

Rin laughed, and Maki felt it through her whole body. “You too.” 

Maki pulled away, looking up at Rin. “Are you really okay with me staying here? You barely know me.”

“I think I know you pretty well.” Rin tilted her head to one side. “But if you don’t want to, that’s okay too.”

Suddenly aware of how close Rin’s face was, Maki looked away. “No, it’s - thank you. It’s really generous of you.”

“Anything you need, just ask.”

Maki hesitated, then ran her thumb over the back of Rin’s hand. She suddenly wanted to be closer, wanted to feel Rin against her. She was so  _ cold _ , and Rin’s skin was so warm. 

When she looked back up, Rin was watching her, a faint pink blush high on her cheeks. Maki leaned in, heart pounding.

“Is it okay if I--”

Rin kissed her.

***

They made love for the first time in Rin’s bed, with rain beating against the windows. There was no noise but the sounds of their breath, Maki’s harsh and fast and Rin’s edged with laughter. It was strange to explore another’s body after so long - Nico’s had become familiar, but Maki found herself enjoying the discovery of which places made Rin gasp and arch her back, which made her shiver. 

Afterwards, they lay in the grey light, Maki’s arms around Rin. She breathed in the smell of Rin’s hair - sweet, like strawberries. 

“Your eyes must be purple,” Rin said abruptly, looking up at her. “They are, aren’t they?”

Maki blinked, taken aback. “What, can’t you see that?”

Rin smiled. There was something sad there, unless that was just Maki’s imagination. “Obviously not, huh? It’s not like you’re my soulmate.”

“Oh. Right.” 

“Do you think that makes this - wrong?”

There had been countries, back before, where entering a relationship with someone other than your soulmate was considered wrong - illegal, even. Maki wondered where Rin’s family had come from.

“Soulmates aren’t all they’re made out to be,” she replied, and it might have come out a bit more sharply than she meant it to, but Rin didn’t seem to react. “I think people should do whatever they want, soulmates be damned.”

“I’m glad.” To her surprise, Rin grinned brightly. “That means you’ll stick around, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for awhile, Rin nestled in Maki’s arms. Her orange hair tickled at Maki’s chin, soft and warm. 

“But... if you did find your soulmate,” Maki said after a few moments, “I wouldn’t blame you if you left me.” The words hurt a little to say, and she couldn’t deny the weight that lifted from her chest when Rin shook her head.

“I do still wonder who she is.” Rin ran her fingers along Maki’s arm, the touch feather-light and sending goosebumps flaring up. “But - I think I’m happy as long as I’m with you, Maki.”

Outside, the sun broke through the clouds, painting pale light across Rin’s skin. Maki watched it, the soft pink undertones she wouldn’t have been able to see before Nico, and wondered how long this could go on for. The color in Nico’s eyes had promised her forever, after all, and look at how that had ended.

It didn’t matter, she decided. She would enjoy it while it lasted. 


End file.
